i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
