They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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