ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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