I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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