Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
operation have a gay friend backfired
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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