So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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