I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
