Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
