im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
