is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
