he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
