are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
