I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
