i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
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Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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