can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize