Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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