My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
