She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
