I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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