I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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