plz talk dirty to me
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
