when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
