There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
