I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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