So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
