Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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