this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
