the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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