I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
