Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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