I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We had sex on a dog bed..
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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