No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
