How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
