so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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