Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you win again, gameday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
And then he peed in my hair
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