So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
