he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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