What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
