Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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