when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
