I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
