i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Come on in and take your pants off
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