I got her a Nickelback box set.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
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