im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
