No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
