i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
