You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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