You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
