i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
false alarm. still invincible.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The beers last night were like the tears from god
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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