I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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