I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
