We're like a lot better than the average bears
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
