I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
