Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
