I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
