Swine flu. Run for my life!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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