Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
