I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
