help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
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