someone get that fucking seahorse.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
this will be a night to untag.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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