You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
