the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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