I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
