hotel room ftw
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
