I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
