Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
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dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
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I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.