he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
