Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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