This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
