I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
