at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I need moral support for this bender
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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