What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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