I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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